I owe a fair deal of success to my various experiences working with Avish Parashar.
He's doing a free teleseminar about using developing and using humor in speaking. I haven't heard this particular talk before, I will be listening to it, but I can attest to his expertise on this matter. Anyone who has a vested interest in… let's say… enhancing a technical presentation to make it more interesting, would benefit greatly from what Avish has to say.
I figure it's important to note, that he's not about adding a joke or two to your presentations. He's talking adding appropriate and topical humor to presentations. He's also about teaching you to think on your feet, and respond to your audience with in-the-moment humor.
The seminar will be held Thursday, April 17th from 1:00PM EST to 2:30PM.
If I tell your volunteer that I'm not going to vote for you in the primaries, then I'm not going to give you money either.
I got a call from a volunteer for Barack Obama. I listened respectfully, and then told them I was probably going to vote for John Edwards. They then asked for $150.
I know it works differently at big money level, people hedge their bets. But considering that I'm not looking for an ambassadorship, I'll save my money for a candidate I support.
February 21, 2007 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 9:56 AM
I've been building my first Vista Gadget. Dave K inspired me by writing an awesome targeted Gadget for our environment. For those of you who don't know, Gadgets are little HTML, JavaScript enabled applications that run on the desktop and server up little bits of information like weather, or stocks, or what have you. For those of you that are saying "OSX has had them for awhile... they're called widgets," Shhhh, be quiet. Apple stole the idea from Konfabulator, who stole it from Apple, who probably stole it from Xerox. But let's just say the idea has been around for awhile, and we all think it's cool.
Anyway... I've been writing a Gadget, and it's shockingly easy. However I'm annoyed at the prospect of translating it to a OSX Widget. It's HTML, it's JavaScript, it's CSS; a widget is HTML, a widget is JavaScript, a widget is CSS. Why the hell do I have to do any translation? This is the age of Web Standards, and SOA, I thought I would never have to work to make a basic HTML application cross platform again. Both Microsoft and Apple deserve a little finger wagging here. You're making us take a giant step backwards!
I could rewrite it as a Yahoo! Widget. That would make it cross platform. But I would have to rewrite it as XML and JavaScript. (Not as much fun as HTML and JavaScript. ) Plus, it's not like Yahoo! Widgets is lighting up the Internets.
If only there was a cross platform application engine that could present applications written in HTML and JavaScript. It would harness the ease of HTML and JavaScript development with a portable runtime. It could also package them into self contained little applications that don't need the screen real estate of an entire web browser.
Oh wait, isn't that what Apollo is supposed to be? Can't it do Flash and Flex too? Isn't it also going to package whole applications, not just nuggets of applications?
I finally get it Adobe. I was lukewarm at first. But now that I see how effective these little applications can be, how easy they are to write, and my frustration with platform issues, I totally get it now. Assuming you can leverage your "Version Penetration" for Flash into seats with Apollo, you will kick the crap out of all of those other options.
But now I want Apollo. Crap.
Oh well, my plan is to keep writing the occasional Gadget, really get the whole Ajax thing down, and be better positioned to take advantage of Apollo when it is released.
January 17, 2007 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 1:57 AM
My houseguests left a little something when they left: a bottle of Laphroaig Quarter Cask. For those that don't know, it is a single malt scotch which is believed to be one of the more strongly tasting scotches. It's supposed to taste like peat. (Intentionally tasting like decaying vegetation) Additionally, it supposedly it tastes like scotch did 100 years ago.
At first I was apprehensive. The last time I tried Laphroaig I didn't like it, as it tasted like suffering. But that was not the Laphroaig Quarter Cask.
This time, it's not that bad, maybe it was my older palate. Maybe it was the whole 100 years ago thing. Maybe I like the taste of peat.
I'm glad Janice is asleep though. She doesn't like when I come to bed smelling like cigar. I can't imagine her reaction to "peat moss breath."
January 4, 2007 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 1:54 AM
Happy New Years to all. I've been silent because I've been busy.
I had house guests who promote hangovers. (Well, only one of them did that.) But I've need a couple days to recover from all of the Black Label, (and Captain Morgan's and Aberlour and egg nog) and cigars and food that were consumed.
January 4, 2007 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 1:42 AM
It's about a guy who finds a philosophical master, but he's a guy who works at the gas station. But he's really wise. Then they get in a fight. But then the younger guy realizes that the older guy was right. And then this happens again like another 20 or 30 times. Then the older guy dies, and the younger guy regrets all the fighting. And then the older guy appears in a vision and shows the young guy what it is like to be dead. And then the young guy realizes that he should be nicer to his wife.
Actually wait. That does sound pretty subject to mockery. Ummm. Never mind guys.
December 18, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 11:58 PM
Tonight is the last night of my 20's. I feel I must right the obligatory "I'm 30" post. I do it while enjoying a cigar and a glass of Blue Label.
I tend to look at my life in 5 year markers. I remember a lot about 5 years ago at 25. I remember impressions of me at 20. I have only the vaguest sense of me at 15.
I know that all of those different versions of me would not have expected me to be where I am. That's not a lament. It's just further proof that life is really hard to plot out past 5 years.
At 15:
I was painfully single, but somehow
I thought I would be married at 25
I thought I would be a Psychologist
I thought I would move away from the Philadelphia area forever
I didn't think life was that great
I thought High school was pretty pointless
I figured college would be more of the same, but at least I'd be out of my parents' house
At 20:
I was painfully single, but
I hoped I would be married at 25
I feared I wouldn't be able to get a real job
I didn't care where I lived as long as I had a job
Life was okay, but would be better once I started making real money
That high school was pointless was a confirmed fact
College was more of the same, but at least I was out of my parent's house.
At 25
I was painfully single, and
I accepted that I would always be this way (thanks to my ex's for that )
I was a relatively successful computer geek.
I felt like I might just accept Philadelphia as a home
Life was better than before, but the real fun started when I made more money
I couldn't remember almost anything about high school; except a vague suspicion that it had been uncomfortable.
College was the best time in my life, and I wished I had lived it up a little more.
Now we come to 30
I'm happily married
I hope for a long, long time
I'm still a geek.
Hey, assface, you didn't just say something bad about Philly? Did you?
Life is pretty great, but you know what would be greater? More money.
I assume I went to a high school at some point
College was the best time in my life until now. (Thanks to Janice)
I have no idea what 35 and 40 will hold. I hope I hold on to my wife, I hope I have some kids, I hope health is in there too. Past that, not much you can really plan on.
Except that more money would be nice too.
December 18, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 9:39 PM
I'm sitting here on my porch, smoking a cigar and drinking some coffee and it's hit me: I'm getting married in three days. I'm still shocked that I'm allowed to do this. Like someone should step in and ask Janice what the hell is wrong with her, and is she sure this is a good idea.
Oh well, hopefully for me, no one will.
This probably hit me because today was my last day of work for three weeks. I've never had a three week vacation in my life. One of the reasons I love working at Wharton is the awesome vacation benefits (5 weeks and the week between Christmas and New Years off. ) But I never take them. Part of it is I'm a bit of a workaholic, and part of it is I truly like the job. But now contemplating three weeks away.... I'm thrilled. Maybe a little scared, but truly looking forward to it.
September 13, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 10:02 PM
Approximately, one year ago I was introduced to the concept of the "Dockenwamp." I have to admit that even in my moments of relative peace, I still wondered "What is the Dockenwamp?" Thanks to Haplo, I got the answer.
However to fully understand, I have to explain the context of the "Dockenwamp." We saw it at the Orpheus Club, a Philadelphia institution whose purpose seems to be properly expressed in it's French motto: "Avocats, travestites, et soirees musicales." They have events where people need to suck up to two gentleman named "Doc" and "Wamp" (pictured.) Evidenlty, they have to suck up by singing a song that is suspciously similar to Queen's "Give me the Prize," featured on the soundtrack to the movie "Highlander." This leaves me to believe that the members have to behead each other to win the favor of the "Doc and Wamp."
The sad thing is that the picture, taken by Jeff Porten, came out blurry. That's not a shot at Jeff, I'm sure much like the Sasquatch, Yeti, and Chupacabra, the Dockenwamp does not photgraph well.
March 22, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 12:37 AM
Janice said pretty much all there was to say about our experience at the Daily Show taping, so I'll just say this: I respect and admire Jon Stewart, but I have non-sexual man-crush on Stephen Colbert.
March 10, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 12:34 AM
My theory... There are two type of people in the world: 1. People who find Haplo to be the funniest person alive, and 2. People who should be shot in the face.
Those of you that know me have seen this kind of thing before. Inspired by Chris Berg, and egged on by Janice I sent the following email to Comedy Central:
Dear Jon Stewart,
I was very offended by your sketch which featured you killing a hobo for fun. I thought it was unnecessary and wasteful.
For generations my people have hunted the majestic hobo, not for fun, or sport, but for survival. Even in best of times we did not kill a Hobo and just leave it on the sidewalk. We learned to use the whole hobo.
We harvested their skin for their power. We offered their eyeballs to our dark and ancient god. We made life sustaining hobo pemmican.
In short you made a joke of something you know nothing about.
Shame, shame on you, Jon Stewart.
Terrence Ryan
Philadelphia, PA
At best maybe we'll actually finally get tickets. Worst, Jon Stewart will get a restraining order on me. I also noticed that I spelt his name "John" in the letter I sent. I bet he loses all respect for me.
January 13, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 12:17 AM
Dan, Ryan, and I were discussing this year's Macromedia Max (or whatever Adobe will call it) while drinking, one thing led to another and the following question was posed:
Which ColdFusion personality would you to invite to sleep on your guest bed?
First, of course we thought Ben Forta. I think that would be like hosting the Dali Lama. You'd be nervous, you'd say things like "I can't let Ben Forta see my PHP books."
We moved on to Damon Cooper, who at first glance would be fun. But I get the feeling that he's like your college friend who comes and makes drinking look so fun. So it's fun, but you have like a 5 day hangover after he leaves.
So I think my vote would be for Tim Buntel. He seems like he would be fun but not a giant enabler. He wouldn't criticize your book collection. And he would probably make the bed before he left.
Anyone out there have any opinions other than "Geeks like you should not drink."
January 12, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 11:57 PM
This is one of those inflatable Christmas lawn ornaments that appears to be the rage this holiday season. My question is: who buys a inflatable Christmas lawn ornament of a Santa with a giant tree-dong? You also can't see it in the picture, but the wind causes the inflatable figure to jiggle in a most unwholesome manner.
December 27, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 12:33 PM
My continuing plans to torment Coke do not fair well. In an attempt to be completely honest, I sent them this:
Would this have been a more effective query:
Please send me free Diet Vanilla Coke. You can't sell it anyway. You might as well send me some free. I will give it a good home and love it, until I pour it into my gaping maw!
I'm just wondering.
They reponded:
Thank you for contacting our website, Mr. Ryan. We appreciate your interest in The Coca-Cola Company.
Your comments are appreciated and will be shared with the appropriate management.
If you have additional questions or comments, please visit our website again.
Janice
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company
What I find interesting is that it is clearly a form letter, like the last response, but is different from it. Either an algorithm determines the response, or a person had to pick a response. It almost makes me want to test what will come back from them if I send different queries.
December 11, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 10:08 PM
Janice pointed out to me that with Arnold's defeat in the various proposition elections in California, that the Running Man Clock needed updating. After conferring with the committee of scientists who vote on Running Man Clock issues, we have decided to change the time to midnight.
It is now 10 minutes until midnight, where midnight is defined as creation of a real world Running Man show.
November 23, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 2:38 AM
I don't know if this ad does justice to the horror that the Meow Mix Cat Clock is. But those of you that don't watch late night TV won't ever know the horror any other way.
November 9, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 2:29 AM
Two years ago I discovered Pumpkin Ice Cream at Trader Joes. Since then I have repeatedly stopped in at Trader Joes around this time of year, hoping beyond hope that they would have it. Finally my stalking has paid off. Behold!
I've hoarded a small supply of it, but I will be back. Get some while it lasts, it doesn't stay in the freezer very long. Mostly 'cause I hoard it.
November 6, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 9:55 PM
I ordered room service tonight for dinner. I was watching Gilmore Girls when the waiter brought it up.
He made it clear that he doesn't respect me anymore. He didn't say a word, but eyes can speak volumes about the lack of respect you have for someone who watches Gilmore Girls.
October 18, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 11:39 PM
I don't know what's sadder, that there is a Best of David Spade on SNL or that I'm watching it.
Then I remember that Christopher Walken, who has never been a cast member of SNL had a "Best of" already. So I don't know which is sadder; who ever wins, I ultimately lose.
October 16, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 12:51 AM
That's right. Haplo is blogging. That's really exciting for me and a couple people who read this. The rest of you don't know it's exciting yet. But you will.
Mark my words you will.
September 29, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 11:06 PM
There's an article in Slate about the Sunk Cost Fallacy. It's one of my favorite logical fallacies, and frankly, the coolest one without a Latin title. The article explains it better, but, in a nutshell, Sunk Cost Fallacy occurs when decision makers continue down a path because for no other reason than that they've already spent a lot of resources on the path. Ex:
We've already spent $80 million on Gigli if we were to abandon it, burn the negatives and never mention it again, we would have wasted all that money. Now get me another $20 million in ad buys in every market!
I'm a huge fan of Zatarain's products and figured I should horde them while they were still available. Janice - my enabler, and I went down to Superfresh and stocked up.
I've writen before about how sometimes the amount of content in wikipedia on certain subjects disturbs me (here and here.) I have off for the next few days and was looking to work my brain a little bit and wrote this little application that will compare how many characters are written about any two subjects in wikipedia. So for example you can discover that more is written about "blankbabied" then "zombo.com". So check it out, and come up with and comment on your own crazy showdowns.
Wikipedia Showdown!
In order to do this, I had to rely on CFHTTP to get the job done. I've included the cfc that handles grabbing the input from wikipedia in the extended entry.
An Ohio town is being "terrorized" by a mysterious screaming sound. The local news did a report on it. Watch it, listen for the recording of the scream. I don't know why, but it makes me laugh everytime I hear it. Maybe the tape recording diminishes some of the terror in the sound. Or maybe this town needs a higher threshold of terror.
August 22, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 12:43 PM
Starship Troopers is on TNT. Wow, it's more craptastic than I remember. Paul Verhoeven basically shat in a celluloid reel and made us watch it.
You disapprove? Well, too bad. We're in this for the species, boys and girls.
That's Doogie Houser trying to be intimidating as an SS officer. There's only one way that we could be a bigger weenie in this movie. If he tried to say "It's my way or the highway," which, like, only three actors in Hollywood can get away with.
Sadly, Doogie, you are not one of them.
August 18, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 1:39 AM
Do you want an inappropriately clinical explanation of what SomethingAwful.com is? Well then go to Wikipedia's SomethingAwful.com article. Also in this same vein:
This is an extremely funny account of what happens to a Slate reporter after trying to take on a bunch of webhoaxers. It includes Wookie fetishes, SomethingAwful.com, and upturned shirt collars. Truly a must read.
