Coke Just Doesn't Understand
A couple days ago, I wrote about Coke breaking my heart by discontinuing Diet Vanilla Coke, possible the greatest liquid ever created by man... in a laboratory... by an R and D team. I wrote to Coke to ask them information about how to amass a supply for my future Diet Vanilla Coke needs. This is what I wrote:
I'm a huge fan of Diet Vanilla Coke. (I go through about 4 12 packs a week.) I am very disappointed to find out that it is being discontinued. Is there anyway I can find out where the final shipments are being sent in my area so I can hoard it?
It should have been obvious that I meant:
Please send me free Diet Vanilla Coke. You can't sell it anyway. You might as well send me some free. I will give it a good home and love it, until I pour it into my gaping maw!
Their response in the extended section.
Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company, Mr. Ryan. We appreciate your interest in Vanilla Coke and Diet Vanilla Coke.
We will be launching Black Cherry Vanilla Coke and Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke in January of 2006.
Vanilla Coke and Diet Vanilla Coke have been solid contributors for the Coca-Cola brand over the past three years. What we are demonstrating is the ability to create and market profitable line extensions for our core brands and the flexibility to capitalize on new opportunities when we see them. Consumers still like vanilla and we think Coca-Cola Black Cherry Vanilla will appeal to them. We believe that Coca-Cola Black Cherry Vanilla gives us the best opportunity to further develop our Coca-Cola flavors at this time.
Vanilla Coke and Diet Vanilla Coke will go on hiatus at years end, but may be made available again in the future. Please be assured that your comments have been shared appropriately.
We hope this information is helpful. If you have any additional questions or comments, please visit our website again.
What do you think I should write to them to get them to send me enough Diet Vanilla Coke to make it through the drought?
Comments
I just saw an article on Coke on MSNBC's site. Aparently coffee-flavored Coke is coming out??
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10334920/
I wish they'd keep the Vanilla.....
Gene
Jesse: That's going to be my next response if my ploy of using the gaping maw line doesn't work. Gene: Didn't Pepsi try that and fail miserably with that in the early 90's?
http://www.bevnet.com/reviews/pepsi-kona/
I very much enjoyed Diet Vanilla Coke and I was extremely cheesed off when your company discontinued it. Why would you do something like that? I would say that was one of the most irretrievably stupid things you could have done. In fact, I used to mix your Diet Vanilla Coke with Vanilla Quik and make the most kick-ass eggcream EVER!!! If you do not start to make Diet Vanilla Coke with the same ultra Vanilla taste VERY soon, I will come down to the headquarters of CocaCola and play the same two songs on my harmonica for a VERY LONG TIME!!! I thank you for your time and bid you "Good Day!"
-- Patrick McCaffery
I am writing on behalf of a patient of mine, Mr. Terrence P. Ryan. For some time now, Mr. Ryan has been drinking your "Diet Vanilla Coke" and it has become part of his treatment for a rare condition known as ekocallinavdeeni yletaidemmi, which causes him to read certain words and phrases backwards.
The condition is somewhat like dyslexia, but it's treatable if the patient can overcome the mental block with the right stimulation. In Mr. Ryan's case, the aspartame and vanilla in Diet Vanilla Coke were the right combination. Without this product, which has been a godsend to Mr. Ryan, my patient will be back to square one and may be pushed back into a bumbling incompetence at his job with an important government agency.
Since receiving your last missive, Mr. Ryan has tried mixing Diet Vanilla Coke with Dr. Brown's Diet Black Cherry soda, and the effect on his conidtion is not nearly as good as with plain Diet Vanilla Coke. Simply put, Mr. Ryan needs Diet Vanilla Coke, and our nation needs him to have it to be at his optimal performance level at work.
I hope that you understand, and can please advise either myself or Mr. Ryan as to a suitable plan for stockpiling Diet Vanilla Coke (he drinks up to 48 cans a week) for the duration of the product's hiatus. I wouldn't be bothering you if it were not a medical emergency and a matter of national security.
Yours in good health and plentiful Diet Vanilla Coke,
Dr. Anthony C. Pants, MD, PhD, DDS, TBA, FAQ
Posted by: Jesse at December 9, 2005 2:35 AM